*This post really reflects my thinking process. I am not planning to edit it. I owe it to no one. If you even remotely “care” about me, please, do me a favour, read this/skim this/scroll through this… because there are a lot of things that I would like to achieve and try from now on, life is seriously way to short to be wasted on people you don’t love, things you don’t love… and anything else you don’t love. I may or may not delete this down the track, but for now, I will leave this up until the end of this week.
I am really new to this whole public/online persona thing, I am not in this for the money, the sponsorship, (or the equivalent)… I am in this because I feel that I need to find likeminded peers, whether in Melbourne, or anywhere else in the world. I usually edit my posts on this website to the best of my abilities before I hit (or even after I hit) publish, therefore I may sound more articulate in my past (and future posts – if you’re reading this sometime in the future) posts on this website. I don’t owe anyone, and I mean anyone but my closest family (which includes blood family, and my chosen family, any explanation. But I feel that, in what I am trying to do, at this stage of my life, I need to make this post, as it will enable me to just link it to anyone who asks me questions about myself, and I simply do not have that much time in my current schedule …. to give you a long winded explanation about my background.
I am very careful, and I am still thinking about what I want to do in terms of my online persona. I definitely do not welcome spam (an the like). I don’t need thousands of views… I need friends.. And I have met one, which I can proudly refer to a friend, ever since I started this “whole blogging thing”.
I am just typing everything in my mind at the moment because I just need to get things out of my chest, without revealing too much of my personal life, because that is not what I want to achieve. I welcome like minded peers… people who like to cook savoury food, people who like to bake (any kind) of sweets, people who like to talk about home & life improvement, you get the gist. Anyone else, I will just screen out because I simply do not have time to ‘deal’ with you… I know I may sound cocky or snobby, or however you would like to label me as… I simply do not care about what you “think” about me, based on what you read online, hear from people.
Everyone is different. Cliche? Yes. Is it life? Totally. Am I trained as a writer? No. Am I trained as a pastry chef? No. Am I ‘too young’?. No. Am I “too proud”. No. No. No. No. NO.
Please bear with me. I am no longer depressed (I will not reveal severity) – but it is a very common problem that still has some negative stigma attached to it in different parts of the world… different cultures… different countries… etc… that I simply will not bother to explain myself or entertain you because honestly? I have better things to do, better people to meet, better places to see.. the world is so big.
Yes, I am only 24. Yes, I was very sheltered in terms of my upbringing (… who isn’t? parents will forever be parents…). I am not saying this in the “I am 18, leave me alone, I know everything” sort of attitude. Have I done that before? of course I have. Who hasn’t? Everyone has gone through puberty, some form of rebellious stage… some form of growing… in their own way, in their own progress… in their own time frame…..
My English is not perfect. SO WHAT? Are YOU perfect? I am definitely not saying I AM perfect. I am just saying… there may be some things… in my life, your life, our overlapping lives… that we may be better at than each other. I am definitely not being condescending when I say things like that.
People who have just met me in the recent years of two, will probably describe me as: somewhat confident depending on the situation, somewhat articulate depending on the topic she is talking about, very OCD when it comes to ‘organising’ my life (not OCD otherwise…), not the best at all the languages that she speaks but she somehow can use up to 4 languages when she is finding it hard to express herself.
I am sick of people labelling people ‘fobs’, ‘Asians’, ‘Chinese’, …. you get the gist….. in the offensive way. Sure, in your close family circle, where you have been through a lot together, you may be able to say one word, which will lead to certain shared memories (i.e. best friends/family/whoever you’re close to…) … I’ve been there, you’ve been there, we all been there. We are no longer living in a closed community, some countries “20 years ago”, some maybe more, some maybe less than that “control years”. We all seriously need to be educated. TRY to be less judgmental, TRY to be less aggressive, TRY to be less offensive. I emphasise the word ‘try’, because, even though I am “only 24”, I also have my own life experience. I am not dumb. I am not stupid. I am not saying anyone else is or isn’t… we all just progress differently. Just try to be understanding.
I am not the most well travelled. I am not the most articulate. I am not the most talented. But I am trying…. to LEARN… ever since what I have experienced in the past year (I will leave details out for obvious privacy reasons)….. that the world is too big.. for anyone to ever ‘know everything’.
In the past year … and I use the word ‘year’ loosely… I have been diagnosed/recovered/relapsed/recovered from depression. I know the stigma. I have lived in Malaysia, I have lived in Melbourne. I have lived in Shanghai. I am not an expert, but my experience thus far… is really changing my perspective, the way I treat people around me, family (close & extended), friends (best, close, acquaintances, IG friends, FB friends, WP friends, baking friends……)… and just others (strangers, taxi drivers, waiters, people that you encounter on a daily basis)…. differently. I was not the nicest, most well mannered person, in public and behind closed doors…. but I am also not the worst. Just remember, you are never the worst. If you are willing to try, willing to reach out to the right resources, willing to TRY HARDER… and just keep TRYING, keep a close (quality over quantity) support group.. whether family or friends (which I call, chosen family)…. You will be okay.
Obviously there is only so much I can talk about in one post… online… on a blog which I started intending to share my experiences as a “petite patissiere – small [pastry chef]”… so if you want to chat through comments, my public Facebook page, my public IG account… sure, I will welcome anyone (with caution)…
Anyway, I think I have “spoken” enough. Use the contact form if you would like to ‘discuss’ further.
Rough outline (which I know that I do not owe to anyone to explain) of my ‘life’ – however you would like to ‘define’ that word.
– I used to be very shy, I would never order things because I feared judgment. No joke. This was 2008.
– Things started started to become better when I started to venture into things out of my comfort zone: student clubs, literally making myself make speeches in front of a full lecture of students, trying to promote something which I believed in.
– I consider myself a Malaysian Chinese (maybe 10% Shanghainese) Melbournian. Globalisation. Obvious reasons.
– I am no longer the “little” girl I was last year, that’s not to say that I think I am now “mature” for my age.
– I am very good at studying. I am not ashamed to admit that. Because, whether you like it or not, our education system is flawed in some way or the other. Whether in Malaysia, Melbourne or even Shanghai. I don’t have much life experience, and I can only speak for those places… but due to my background (which I will only reveal THIS much)…. I am very good at studying. And that was what I did for 17.5 years. Primary School in Asia, junior high in Asia, Middle/high school in Melbourne, Uni in Melbourne, and my most recent self-funded ‘exchange/exploration’ in Shanghai.
– I studied Law & Commerce. I did not end up graduating with Law, but who’s to say that I would not have been able to graduate with first class honours? I am in no way bragging, because I am in Pastry now. Who am I trying to impress? I just want people to know… those of you who stumble upon my blog for whatever reasons… asking me for college advice… just now that, due to the economic, environmental, political… and all those “grown up stuff that no one really fully understands”…. climate… no one will really know 100%, what will happen next. Honestly. Pick something you think is right now. Change it if you don’t like it & if your circumstances allow. Just do whatever your heart pleases…. so long it doesn’t put anyone you love in danger. Work hard, you will get there. Do I know for sure? No. But I am trying.
So please. Give everyone a chance. Everyone has their story. But exercise with caution.