It isn’t easy dealing with depression, and there are so many different types of depression. To be very honest, I am feeling a little low at the moment, and it’s been a couple of weeks for no apparent reason to be down, to not be my ‘normal’ self. Friends and family are around me are telling me to fight the negative feelings and thoughts, do the things that I would usually do if I wasn’t feeling this way, and I love them for being so supportive of me during this difficult time for myself, and also for them as well.
Everything I see behind the lens of depression is so bleak. There is less emotion and I am normally a very expressive person. I couldn’t think of any other ways to do other things to take things off my mind other than writing on this very website that I created initially to talk about cakes and chocolates.
Now I am afraid to do a lot of things, things that I usually can do with confidence or at least do without feeling like I lack any capabilities to do anything. It’s even worse when I compare myself with the less fortunate, and there are so many out there with more ‘tangible’ problems that they have to face and fight everyday (i.e. things you see on the news..)
My type of diagnosis is bipolar disorder at the moment, which involves swings of highs and lows with some normal moods in between. All my friends and family, I think I have shocked them in some ways, in my ‘up/mania’ stage where I was so confident and that I knew what I wanted to do and where I am heading. I don’t even know if I regret doing or saying any of the things during that time… maybe not.
I know the ‘me’ is still in me somewhere….. I know it I just need to fight back. I know I will come back stronger. I know that, when I do fight back, I will be me again. The girl who’s a bit more confident when dealing with people and doing things, the girl who finds making and baking things therapeutic, and the girl who really enjoy writing on this website and sharing my thoughts on various random things. I know……..