I know that is normal in life but for me, they are often magnified and blown out of proportions in my head.
I don’t think I am ill anymore, but it is just something that I will need to continuously work on in order to improve the way I handle situations in life.
It is in me to feel like I’m responsible for everything, it is in me to feel that everything is urgent, it is who I am to cry over things that I feel attached to, it is also sometimes in me to feel like disappearing will make all the problems go away.
I know “…but that’s who I am!” is not an excuse because we grow as a person after every single experience. However, I also know that evolving something fundamental takes time.
I’ve been told that I am too harsh on myself, and after quite some battle, I think I finally agree.
It doesn’t matter what title I give myself, a daughter, a girlfriend, a friend or a chef, I am still human, and it is normal to be able to feel emotions and be affected by them.
So I guess at times where I feel overwhelmed by something, I should:
step back, look up and appreciate the fact that I am still breathing;
calm down, think logically and see the big picture; and
know that it is okay, because I can only get better from here.
I know I write a lot on how to stay positive and the importance of it but there are days where I feel like I can no longer keep my head up high and stay positive. It’s not that something has happened in my life but sometimes, it’s just too difficult to fight against the negative thoughts that linger in my head.
“Anything can happen, at any time… What do I do now? Should I be doing this to avoid that?”
The quote in the title may seem blatantly obvious to you about how life works, but at a point in 2014, this was my mindset and it really affected me negatively. I felt so uneasy and paranoid that I just couldn’t live properly. In one of my sessions with my psychiatrist back then, I shared it with her and she said to me, “yes, May Ling, that is true”, but there are different ways to look at that phrase.
You may or may not know this, but from personal experience, I know that there are better days even when you’re depressed. When I was sick, there were a few troughs during that period. I wasn’t down for the entire year but there were periods of time where it was worse than the others. During those periods, it was extremely difficult for me to do anything or maintain a positive outlook on life. It wasn’t until I was constantly pushed (in a good way) by my boyfriend and family to be positive that I started to get better.
In my case, my depression was mostly caused by the stress built up throughout my entire life leading up to the breaking point. It was due to a combination of pressure placed on myself by myself and others. In the end, I completely lost confidence in everything I did, even in things that I was good at – for example, studying.
Looking back, I feel that what helped me a lot was this piece of paper.
This isn’t any ordinary piece of paper, it was something that I found difficult to even write down at the time. My dad found an article in a Malaysian Chinese newspaper back around April/May 2014 on this matter, and the content of this piece of paper pretty much sums up the main points of the article. (At the time of writing, I could no longer find the article where these statements were from – I apologise for not being able to link you to it).
With the help of my family and boyfriend, finally I came to realise the importance of these 3 statements.
Happy Monday! I woke up today feeling positive and happy so I thought I’d share this positive energy with all of you.
Things didn’t go so smoothly for me last year, especially towards the end. So now that I am feeling “normal”, and really happy again, I feel that I should document the 5 things that I am really grateful for on this blog as a reminder to myself to always be happy and positive.
As I am writing this letter, you are feeling a little bored, a little unmotivated and a little tired of doing what you’re doing.
That’s OK. Do you still love the industry that you’re in? Are you happier than before or if you were to be working in a corporate job? Are you happier in general? If you answered yes to any of the questions above, keep holding on.
Life is like a graph, it has ups and downs, so long we have the resilience to bounce back once in a blue moon when you’re feeling down, then that is okay. Resilience comes mainly from within, but if you need help or a little push, you have supportive family, friends and mentors that you can speak to. You may be sliding at the moment, but sliding is good, it gives you time to discover yourself and give yourself power to bounce back up. Because in life, you have to.